Having it All? How Men can Manage a Career in Medicine and Fatherhood: A Satire
Author: Jennifer Lycette, MD
Keywords: gender bias, Women In Medicine, The Power, misogyny
Author’s note: The Amazon Prime show The Power, based on Naomi Alderman’s book, has made me notice misogyny in daily life through new eyes. By flipping the gender power construct 180 degrees, the show (and book) make us realize how if these same things happen to men, they become shocking and unbelievable. I wrote this piece as an imaginary conversation between a male doctor and a male medical student to show through satire the ridiculous things society has conditioned women physicians to put up with daily.
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In an alternate matriarchal society:
James, you’re a terrific student, and I want to say how great it is that you’re pursuing a medical career. We can always use more men in medicine. Now that we’re done seeing patients, are there any questions you want to ask?
Does it bother me that my patients tend to call me by my first name, or “Dr. Mike,” whereas they rarely take the first-name liberty with our female colleagues? My advice to you is you can’t let this bother you. Some patients aren’t comfortable at first with a male physician, and if it puts them at ease to use our first names, we have to allow it. You’ll realize that as men, sometimes we have to put up with a different level of regard than our female colleagues. But if we put our energy into being exemplary doctors, we’ll soon earn the same respect—
Okay, yes, I will admit a pet peeve. When I spend extensive time with a patient and then, at the end of the visit, they ask, “When do I get to see the doctor?” And I have to explain that I am the doctor. Then I make a little self-deprecating joke to defuse the tension. And then we laugh and laugh…
No, of course I’m not crying. Are you crazy, James? We can’t ever show emotion, or we’ll be accused of being hysterical. Besides, I’m confident that as more time progresses (and, by the way, male medical students now outnumber female students! How about that!), the “novelty” of a male physician will soon wear off.
When? Oh, maybe another twenty years? But if we just keep our heads down and keep working hard, I’m sure gender equality in the workplace will happen in the next few decades—
Oh, you noticed that older woman who kept putting her hand on my knee while I was doing her physical exam? Yes, you’re right, it was inappropriate. But she’s what the hospital calls a “VIP” and on the Board, so...
Well, yes, it made me uncomfortable, but she’s just a harmless old lady from a different generation, so we sometimes have to figuratively look the other way on these kinds of things. I know a colleague who tried to report something like this, and, well, he didn’t get that promotion he was up for, so you have to be careful in the battles you choose to fight as a man…
What’s that? You heard the comment that one patient made about my body? Congratulations on being such an astute observer! That trait will serve you well in medicine.
Sure, her mentioning how my clothes accentuated a particular body…area…was inappropriate and gross. But to be a man in medicine means developing a thick skin. Trust me, it’s not worth it to do otherwise. You don’t want to risk a patient filing a complaint about you. Especially if a woman ends up reviewing it. My advice is to just say ‘thank you’ and move on.
But did it bother me when the nurse argued about my orders? Not at all. You must understand that the power dynamic between nurses and male doctors is sometimes tricky. Since nursing is historically a male profession, and they’re more accustomed to female doctors, sometimes they do give us male doctors a bit more pushback. But I don’t let that bother me. Besides, if you bake cookies for them at least once a week, they’ll come over to your side rather quickly. Well, no, the female doctors don’t seem to have to do this, but that’s beside the point…
Oh, you noticed how many patients asked about my children, how many I have, and who cares for them while I’m at work? Well, that’s natural. Many people are curious about how men can manage a career in medicine and fatherhood. Well, no, the hospital doesn’t provide any childcare. Hmmm, now that you mention it, I don’t know of any other hospitals that do, either. Yes, I guess it would make it easier for us men if the hospital did that, and I wouldn’t have to get up at 4:00 AM, but I think we’ll have to wait for our female colleagues to be more supportive of that—
You’re right, many of them have the luxury of stay-at-home husbands who manage most, if not all, of the childcare and home responsibilities. But you know what they say about us men, if we just work hard enough, we really can have it all.
About the Author: Jennifer (JL) Lycette MD is a rural community oncologist and writer in Oregon. Her first novel, a speculative, feminist medical thriller, The Algorithm Will See You Now, was published 03/02/2023. Her second novel, The Committee Will Kill You Now, a historical medical suspense, will be out 11/09/2023. (Twitter: @JL_Lycette)
