The Gift of Bandwidth

Author: Avital O’Glasser, MD

Keywords: boundaries, limitations, workload, balance

I’m generally not one for New Year’s resolutions.  New Year’s reflections? Yes.  New Year’s hopes?  Yes.  New Year’s intentions?  Yes.

But as I crossed from 2022 into 2023 in recent weeks, I did articulate a New Year’s resolution.

I resolved to give myself, and others, the gift of bandwidth.

Over the last decade, my identity–and the many hats I wear at any given moment–has depended on the externally imposed expectation that I be busy.  That I be busy as a clinician (can’t justify that unfilled patient appointment slot!).  That I be busy as a clinic leader (no taking 30 seconds to trim a hangnail during the work day!).  That I be busy as an academic clinician (better be working on that research data set instead of taking a coffee break!). That I be busy as a mom and a partner.  That anytime someone asked how work, home life, or I was doing personally, the answer was always an automatic, “it’s busy”.  The pressure was externally AND internally imposed.

I’ve previously written on this blog about embracing that I can’t do it all–and that to maintain the facade that I AM doing it all was disingenuous and a damaging precedent to role-model.  Other amazing voices have written similarly themed posts.  But what was the next leap–how does one go from setting boundaries, to reinforcing boundaries, to actively creating more bandwidth?

I’m a planner–I keep to-do lists and block my work time during the week so that I can maximize focussed attention on tasks, both administrative and creative.  It’s my attempt to stay on tract during the week and minimize multitasking as much as possible.  However, as 2022 came to a close, I realized that I was still over-scheduling myself too much–not in a two-meetings-at-once kind of way, but that every minute of the day was scripted and scheduled.  I think this was very much driven by academic expectations that salaried time to not see patients (academic time, leadership time) was a precious “gift” that needed to be fulfilled down to the very last second to appease the bestowers of said funded, protected time.  Sort of like Pandora entrusted with the jar—don’t you dare let an unfilled minute of time slip away from you!! Even “flow time” felt hard to justify.  But when every moment of the day is scripted and budgeted, there is no flexibility for being responsive and dynamic.  So, I was still multitasking day in and day out–I was answering Teams messages while on meetings; I was racing through projects to find ten minutes to thoughtfully answer an email; I was groaning when an urgent meeting got added to my calendar displacing my anticipated time to update a lecture.  I didn’t like how I had set myself up for frustration by doing the very leadership work I love to do and find incredibly fulfilling because it involves the power of relationships and connection. My virtual “open door policy” was leading to banging my head on my physical desk.

I realized that I needed to give myself permission to have the bandwidth to be available.

My leadership position as a clinic medical director, and my personal leadership style, involves being receptive and responsive.  This is NOT an example of being beholden to “your lack of planning IS my emergency”.  Instead, the reality of my work is that I need to be available often on very short notice–and I need to be available, accessible, AND present.  Creating more bandwidth to be available does NOT mean I’m lowering boundaries—rather, I am repositioning them to improve the architecture of my days and weks.

So yes, I resolved to give myself, and others, the gift of my bandwidth.  That entailed that I fiercely, passionately, and proactive protect existing bandwidth–and it entailed seeking ways to gain more bandwidth, such as crossing thirty minutes to update a talk off of a Tuesday’s to-do list in order to…in order to “BE”.  Or to postpone a non-urgent project when time-sensitive tasks arise the Friday afternoon going into a long weekend.  I am two weeks into this New Year’s intention and it is still a work in progress (I am still a work in progress), but so far I am feeling more grounded and clear-headed.

I recognize that the external pressures imposed on many might make such a plan challenging or impossible, and I acknowledge that my very own ability to set this intention comes from some place of privilege.  But I hope others will at least seek out similar gifts of bandwidth–and at least be respectful when others’ articulate similar goals and desires.  

About the author: Avital O’Glasser, MD, is a hospitalist at Oregon Health & Science University and the editor of the WIMS blog (Twitter: @aoglasser).