Out of the Closet and Into the Conference
Author: Davy Ran MSc MPH
Keywords: gender identity, identity, non-binary, LGBTQA+, transgender
When I think about the phrase coming out I think about a teenager sitting their parents down in a living room and saying “Mom, Dad, I think I’m gay”. I don’t think about a 28-year-old medical student who’s been out as queer for over a decade realizing only as they stand to present a conference poster at that no one listening knows their pronouns.
Which is why, of course, that’s the exact situation I found myself in at the most recent conference I attended as I was handed a badge containing neither the name nor pronouns I actually go by. The conference staff were exceedingly kind, immediately offering to reprint my tag, but when they asked me what to put on it I hesitated.
“Just put Davy,” I said after a moment, fidgeting with my poster. “No pronouns, it’s fine.”
How do we as trans people navigate the hovering potential of transphobia in professional spaces, especially transient ones? This was just one of many little moments of discomfort I often experience at work events as a non-binary person using they/them pronouns, less the result of any individual actions and more the result of overarching sociocultural transphobia.
As a high-energy extrovert, I’ve introduced myself to hundreds of people at conferences over the years. After 4 years of conference-going, I still struggle to ascertain how out I should be during these introductions. In so many spaces being openly trans can be actively dangerous, and it is impossible to know at first glance what kind of space a work conference holds. Even at LGBT-themed conferences in the heart of queer neighborhoods, many people do not know what non-binary is or how to consciously use they/them pronouns. So I never know when introducing myself what level of queer cultural knowledge and competency people are at, and how they feel about it.
With every person I meet I wonder, will I…
Be safe in coming out?
Need to educate about my identity?
Need to defend my (openness about my) identity?
Ruin my conference experience?
Risk my future career?
I am lucky to be proudly and delightedly out in all areas of my life, as anyone who looks me up will know. That said, outness is an ongoing journey requiring constant upkeep, especially if one is continually meeting new people. Do I have the time and energy to explain/defend/justify my identity to hundreds of people over several days who I may never see again, while trying to attend and learn and present at a work conference simultaneously?
Lately the answer for me has been No. It’s a hefty demand on top of the regular demands of medical school. As a medical student attending conferences I work hard to stay in the student role, and the switch to educator is not as easy as it sounds. It is hard to be the only person in the room introducing their pronouns. It is hard to teach many people you don’t know kindly, patiently, and effectively what pronouns are during a 60-second introduction. It is hard to interrupt conversations with constant reminders of my pronouns, and to extensively comfort those who mess up. And although it is energy-draining to be misgendered unknowingly, it’s not nearly so draining as to be misgendered knowingly.
Ultimately the most effective short term way I have found to avoid transphobia is to simply pretend I don’t exist– to simply pretend that I am cis, until asked or proven otherwise.
It’s not ideal, and it’s not forever. As more conferences add things like chosen names and pronouns to IDs, queer and trans flag badges for attendees to wear, education and emphasis on inclusive greetings, openly transgender staff and speakers, and workshops and lectures on the transgender community, cultural competency is becoming more commonplace, accepted, and in some places required.
At this most recent conference full of wonderful allies I saw one person label their ID with pronouns. That person was not me. But that person did prompt others to bring up their pronouns, which made me more comfortable mentioning my own.
In the end, whether or not I choose to out myself at work conferences depends entirely on how quick, easy, and safe it is to do so. Clear cultural competency signaling from all of us is crucial to create conferences that are educational, inclusive, and empowering for all. I look forward to building this space together!
About the Author: Davy Ran, MSc MPH is a rising 4th year medical student at the University of Rochester School of Medicine and Dentistry. They have been involved in global and public health equity work for over a decade with specialized training in working with the LGBT, Latinx, and disabled communities. At the moment, Davy is writing and illustrating a book of short stories about being a multiple-minority medical student as part of a year-long Medical Humanities Fellowship. Their overarching goal is to help recruit, support, and mentor other minorities in medicine and ultimately make healthcare a more accessible, inclusive, and equitable space. (Twitter: @DavySRan)
