Boundaries, or, How I Embraced My Email Out-of-Office Message

Author: Avital O’Glasser, MD

In June 2020, my husband and I were able to take a very much needed week of vacation.  Knowing that this would be a staycation, we still set the goal of disconnecting from work and recharging as much as we could after the stress and chaos of the preceding three months of the pandemic.  So, I went to set my email out-of-office.

Typing, “I am out of the office” suddenly didn’t make sense.  It didn’t feel accurate.  I hadn’t physically been to the office in three months; I had been working from home.  How was I now supposed to convey that I was taking a week away from work?  Cheekily, I wrote, “I am literally and figuratively out of the office” and closed my laptop. 

That was my first lightbulb moment that maybe there was something more than the standard message I had used for years.

Fast forward a year. It was Yom Kippur, and I had an out-of-office simply stating that I was not available that day.  Mid-morning, my phone rang from a work number–and I ignored it.  It rang again…and then a few minutes later, again.  Worrying perhaps that a family member was in the hospital and someone was trying to reach me, I picked up.  “Hey Avi, I saw you had an email out-of-office up, but I have a non-urgent question so I got your cell phone number from someone.”  Trying to contain my frustration at the number of boundaries that had just been violated, I replied, “It’s the holiest day of the year, I had an email out-of-office up for a reason, and I am NOT available!”

Another lightbulb moment. 

I was not available, and I had hid the reason why.  I was not available, and I had hidden behind a generic out-of-office.  I was not available for a reason that spoke to my personal identity, and I realized that for the nearly dozen years I took Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur off, I had never once stated that I was off to observe a holy day.  

One year later, I attended the Women in Medicine Summit and heard Dr. Kimberly Manning speak powerful words about embracing our authentic identities–about not hiding our reasons for setting AND protecting boundaries; about articulating those “whys” when asking others to honor our time and bandwidth.  Though she spoke primarily about asking for honorarium or funded academic time, it was my third lightbulb moment about email out-of-office messages.  Upon return home, I promptly set my first ever out-of-office articulating Rosh Hashanah as the reason I was off for the day (and tweeted about it).  One week later, I set my first explicit Yom Kippur out-of-office message AND turned it on at 3pm so that I could spiritually enter the holiest day of the year as present (and mind off of work) as possible.

I identify these lightbulb moments as some of the most significant personal-boundary setting, self-care steps I have ever taken during my career in medicine.  And, I soon realized that I was not alone in tapping into the potential of a few dozen intentional words in an out-of-office, an email auto-reply, or in a standing email signature line.  Soon, examples of creative, articulate, and blunt messages that highlighted personal stressors AND societal challenges appeared–many of them joining the fight against gender inequity and the harms the pandemic caused to moms:

Khara Jabola-Carolus penned: “Due to patriarchy, I am behind in emails. I hope to respond to your message soon but, like many women, I am working full-time while tending to an infant and toddler full-time.”

Mary Beth Ferrante shared her new permanent email reply: “Hi, thank you in advance for your patience. The pandemic continues to disrupt our childcare and schools…Therefore my response to your email may take some additional time.” 

Meg St-Esprit wrote most recently: “Please note I may be slower to respond to email in the months of June, July, and August due to the United States’ inability to provide affordable childcare for working mothers.

These examples, and my experience with my own out-of-office messages, have been incredibly empowering. I continue to see more examples of transparency, authenticity, vulnerability, honestly, and frank commentary about gender inequity.  Signature lines encourage boundaries about answering emails at night or on weekends. I see examples reminding us how the adult brain works and how our “culture of immediacy and constant fragmentation of time” harms true productivity and passions–and I’ve started to hear banter about people setting an automatic reply when their work requires uninterrupted focus.  

I also unexpectedly found a large opportunity for role-modeling and responsibility.  My clinic team fiercely protects personal-professional boundaries and the ability to truly disconnect when on vacation or sick time.  About a year ago, I answered what I thought was a low-hanging email while on vacation. And someone called me out for it–they held me accountable for violating my own boundary AND for setting the expectation to others that boundaries didn’t matter.  It was my fourth lightbulb moment about out-of-office’s.  After years of seeing others answer emails when sick or on vacation, I was reminded that I–me personally and me as a leader in medicine–need to abide by the boundaries I set.

In mid 2023, the opportunities to set and articulate boundaries, and have some creative writing fun, persist.  I share that I am recharging on a family vacation.  I share that I am at a conference, focusing on the learning content, and not staying awake until 11pm to answer a day’s worth of messages.  I share when I am attending an all-day meeting.  I explicitly share that I will role model boundaries and not answer emails until I am back in the office.  I acknowledge that being able to do so reflects a privilege, and I aim to continue to advocate and be an ally for healthy personal/professional boundaries.  If we can’t shift this work-life balance culture after the last three years of the COVID-19 pandemic, I fear we will lose the opportunity.

To end with the words of Dr. Manning herself: “To some, it’s just an #outofoffice message. But if you’ve been othered or felt guilty for your life away from work, it’s more than that. I really think we can shift parts of our academic medicine culture…I’m just saying.” 

About the author: Avital O’Glasser, MD, is a hospitalist at Oregon Health & Science University and the editor of the WIMS blog (Twitter: @aoglasser).