Burnout
Author: Ami Naik, MD
Keywords: women in medicine, self-care, burnout
Physician burnout has been brought to the forefront over the last two years thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic. It has given us, as female physicians, a platform to address our thoughts, opinions and experiences of gaining our rightful place in the world of medicine. Physician burnout in females used to hide in the shadows of misogyny and “tradition” but we are now open and honest and fighting back on the idea that being a physician means sacrificing other things that bring joy and meaning to our lives.
Reflecting on this, I have come to the conclusion that it is not just physician burnout that is the crux of the issue. It is what I term “human burnout.” What is “human burnout?” It is the collective feeling of not just being burnt out in our professional lives, but also feeling burnt out from our spouses, our partners, our children, our friends, our society and even our pets. How do we get to this point? We keep giving and giving while those around us keep taking and taking. Then, one day, there is a straw that breaks the camel’s back, as they say. It’s where one small thing, be it a request from a friend to go to another fundraiser, another activity our child wants to be in that collides with our work schedules or coming home to our pets jumping on us because no one has fed them yet, where we suddenly, like flipping a switch, stop caring.
Our minds go numb because we cannot handle one more thing. Our thought processes shut down. We are tired. This fatigue is not relieved with a good night’s sleep. This fatigue begins deep in our cores and expands outwards to where we barely have the energy to put one foot in front of the other. It sweeps over us like a blinding rain, like a heavy fog, like a whiteout blizzard. It shuts down our synapses so that all we want to do and all we can do is just be. That’s it – just be. We don’t want to walk, talk or think. It is hard enough keeping our blood flowing, our lungs breathing and our hearts beating. It feels as though we are jellyfish, where that internal structure that grounds us has collapsed. The collective taking from our life reservoirs leave us empty. There is taking but there is no repleting. We are somehow supposed to keep giving without the time, energy or ability to refuel. No one thinks about our need to be refilled. And so we are left empty. When we are empty, we shut down.
We are all supposed to be the proverbial Wonder Woman. We are expected to do everything, give everything, solve problems, take care of everyone else’s happiness as well as be kind, courteous, gracious and respectful all of the time. Yet, when we try with all our hearts and souls to do these things, our intentions, our ideas, our thought processes are still questioned. We are not allowed to be sick, have a bad day, sleep in on a Saturday morning, express our frustrations without judgement or be angry. And the most important thing is that we cannot say “no.” If the word “no” escapes from our lips, the first question that is asked is “What is wrong with you?” This question is the ultimate question, the sum of all that we are supposedly doing wrong being defined as an inherent flaw in us. We are the problem. We are the issue. The paradox is just that – that we are the problem and the solution. This emptiness that we feel at our cores cannot be attributed to anxiety or depression. This goes much deeper. Our life energy resounds in our cores, the place where we store our identity and our purpose. And when these cores are depleted, we lose ourselves to the whims of everyone else until we are a meaningless empty shell. So make sure you refill and nourish your core. Without it being strong and full, we cannot be the best versions of ourselves.
About the Author: Ami Naik, MD, is a gastroenterologist practicing in West Tennessee. She is married, has one daughter and two fur babies. You may contact her at top_med@yahoo.com. She would love to hear your stories and offer support.
